


Finding the Rising Sun

by irishavalon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sex, Spoilers, Thor is the best brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-07 17:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14675631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irishavalon/pseuds/irishavalon
Summary: A series of stand-alone chapters about Loki's relationships with Tony and Thor, their two favorite people (not that they'd admit it.)Some spoilers for Infinity War.





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so. Complicated. My brain is still deep in the characterizations/relationship development of Loki and Tony from my Nights on the Roof series. However, that was written before Infinity War, and quite a lot has changed canonically (mainly, Loki died in the first ten minutes of that stupid movie). So this fic is basically uses the shared trauma and how Tony and Loki got together from Nights on the Roof, combined with how Loki came back to life from my other fic, Our Sun Is All But Set, as well as some canon. I don't think you need to read the other fics to understand this one, but I reference them a bit.  
> I have no update schedule (sorry), but the chapters are pretty much stand-alone snapshots of life Post-Thanos, so I'm not going to be cliffhanging.

Loki sits on the couch in the living room, Tony's headphones on her ears as she scrolls through his music collection. She hates his music, but has found some on a streaming app that she's partial to. If she can hear him in the kitchen, she shows no sign of doing so.

“Would you please just talk to her?” Tony says into the phone, balanced against his shoulder and the side of his face as he pours whisked eggs into a skillet.

“She won't talk to me,” Thor says on the other end. “I've tried, Stark. She only opens up to you. She avoids the topic completely when I try to bring it up. At best she changes the subject, and at worst-- which is more often-- she ignores me.”

“She won't talk to me, either,” Tony says, trying not to let it bleed into his voice how frustrated and worried that fact makes him. She doesn't open up as much to Tony as Thor makes it sound, but he knows Loki outright refuses to broach the subject of the trauma and nightmares with anyone else. Tony also suspects that she only talks to him because she knows he has nightmares and panic attacks, too. Hell, she's seen him almost every time he's had one in the last two weeks, since they started sleeping together.

She doesn't say much about it to him, either, but this is different. She hasn't spoken out loud beyond clarification of today's gender since she woke him up with her screaming at five in the morning. Neither of them fell back asleep after that. Tony won't admit it yet (it's only been a couple weeks, after all), but he loves Loki something fierce, and her tight-lipped attitude this morning freaked him out enough to try to appeal to The Brother. Tony stirs the eggs sizzling on the stove and glances nervously at Loki. She's still digging her nails into the back of her neck, but it doesn't look to be a conscious action.

Over the phone, Thor sighs heavily. “She's not going to want to talk to me, Tony. I'm telling you, it'll just be a waste of time. Give her some time; she'll be back to normal in a few hours.”

Tony makes a noise of frustration as he pours steaming, scrambled eggs onto two plates and turns off the burner. “Listen,” he says, then glances at Loki again before stepping out of the kitchen into the hall, so there won't be a chance of Loki listening in. He drops his voice, too, for good measure. “She woke up this morning screaming your name. She was clawing at her throat, which was normal, but she's never said anything coming out of a nightmare before.” Tony stops before the pain of the memory of a few hours ago chokes out his voice.

Thor is silent for a long time. Tony would think he hung up, if not for the breathing on the other end and the fact that Thor is far too polite to hang up before a conversation is over, no matter what. At last, the god's voice comes through the receiver. “All right. I'll be up in ten minutes.”

Tony hangs up and steps back into the kitchen. He puts his phone in his pocket, crumples up a take out menu sitting on the counter, and throws it into the living room. It bounces off the back of Loki's head and she turns to him, pulling off the headphones. She still looks pale and wide-eyed, as she did at five a.m., but her lips twitch upward slightly at the childish way Tony gets her attention. He holds up a plate of eggs.

“Salt or pepper?” He offers.

“You know I prefer pepper,” she says. Her voice is soft and careful, still a little hoarse from waking up screaming.

“Yes,” Tony says, the pepper already in his hand as he cranks it liberally over the eggs, just the way Loki likes it. “But I missed your voice; I was beginning to worry.”

Loki just looks at him, watching as he comes over and hands her the plate and a fork. She merely nods in thanks and starts to eat.

There's a knock on the door; Loki doesn't react.

“Mr. Stark,” FRIDAY says.

“Yeah, let him in.”

The door opens, and Thor walks in. If Loki is irritated or relieved to see him, she doesn't show it.

“Hello, Thor,” Tony says, as if this was not scheduled. He sees Loki roll her eyes and knows she isn't fooled.

“Hello, Tony,” Thor says in the same tone. “Loki.” Loki says nothing, only rolls her eyes again. Thor turns to Tony again. “May I speak to my sister alone?”

“Of course.” Tony carries his plate of eggs out of the room.

Thor sits down on the couch beside Loki. Loki says nothing, only eats a bite of scrambled eggs smothered in pepper and waits.

“Did Tony...?” Thor begins.

“No, but I'm not stupid. I knew he'd call you. I don't want to talk about it,” Loki says.

“I know you don't, but--” Thor begins.

“Don't,” Loki replies. Thor continues as if she hadn't spoken.

“I know you wake up gasping for air.” “Stop--” “I know you dream of Thanos killing you.” “ _ No. _ ” “I know you have nightmares of the  _ Statesman _ battle--” “Thor--” “I know, because I do, too.”

Loki stares at him in silence for a long moment. At last, she swallows and says, “You...”

“Yes, Loki.”

“But, why? You don't--”

“I watched you  _ die _ . I watched you hand over an Infinity Stone after watching Thanos torture me for  _ ten seconds _ . I watched you try everything to stop him from taking any more lives, including sacrificing yourself. You don't think that destroyed me? You don't think watching my sister be murdered and unable to stop it broke my heart? Loki, I will  _ always _ mourn your death, even if it's faked. I will  _ always _ be affected by that. I love you. You have to know that. Don't you know that?”

Tears are streaming down beneath Thor's good eye, and Loki can't look at him, but she can't look anywhere else. The memory of his screams echo in her ears, the images from the nightmare play behind her eyes, but she can't stop staring at Thor like he's about to disappear.

_ She's in Thanos's grasp, bruises digging into her throat as she clutches at his arm, trying to get him to let go. She gasps for breath that doesn't come, and as dark spots begin to enter her vision, closing in, she makes her biggest mistake. She looks at Thor. He's screaming behind the muzzle, the muscles in his shoulders straining as he tries to free himself from the metal prison and come to her aid. Tears are falling down his cheek, and she sees in his eye that he knows he's watching her die. She's faked her death in front of him so many times, but every time he looks at her like it's real. She knows it's real this time, knows this is the last time she'll ever see him. She screams, too. _

Oh, fuck. She tears her eyes away from Thor as she starts to cry, too. She doesn't cry, not in the light of day, not in front of anyone but Tony. She'd prefer not to cry in front of him, either, but he has a knack for finding her when she's hiding in order to fight off a panic attack. Crying in front of Thor reminds her of that moment on the ship as Thanos burned through Thor's temple. Reminds her of that bleak afternoon on Svartalfheim. She'll never tell Thor, but despite surviving the attempt on her life, it had hurt so badly she'd almost prayed for true death. The tears then were true.

“Loki...” Thor says softly. He places his wide hand on the back of her neck, but she gasps and pulls away. Not yet. She doesn't even let Tony touch her there. “I'm sorry.” Thor says, and when she glances at him, she sees understanding in his eyes. He reaches out again, but this time lays his hand on her shoulder. She resists touching him back for all of ten seconds before she leans over and rests her head on his shoulder. His head comes down gently over hers. She is reminded of royal functions many years ago, small children sitting in the corner, drifting off to sleep against each other until Mother came over to carry them to bed.

“You and Tony are not the only ones Thanos has traumatized.” Thor says after a long while of the siblings merely sitting in silence.

“Tony thinks there should be a support group,” Loki says. Thor sniffs a small laugh.

“He might be onto something.” They are quiet again. When Thor speaks again, his voice is soft. “Why won't you talk to me about this?”

“I don't talk to anyone,” Loki says in surprise. Doesn't Thor know this?

“You talk to Tony.” Thor says. Loki almost asks Thor if he is jealous, but decides now is not the time.

“I don't have a choice. He walked in on me having a panic attack, and I wake him up with my nightmares.” Loki pauses, and then admits, “And I didn't want to burden you with it. I didn't think it still upset you.”

Thor sighs into Loki's hair. “When will you learn, Sister?” he murmurs. “I love you like I love no one else.”

Loki sighs. “So sentimental, Brother.” she teases. Then she whispers, “Likewise.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Tony is allowed back into the room, Loki doesn’t say anything to him, but she seems more herself. The rest of the day is spent normally: Tony tinkers in the lab while Loki wanders in and out of the room. Tony doesn’t know what Loki does when she leaves the lab, but she seems content to keep to herself sometimes, so Tony doesn’t feel bad for spending whole days in his lab. Loki drags him out around dinner time, and then they retreat to the couch again, Loki on one side with a thick book and Tony on the other, watching some sort of TV documentary. 

Tony has almost forgotten the events of this morning, engrossed in his tablet while half-listening to a narrator drone on about the Great Barrier Reef-- or is it Mars? When he catches movement out of the corner of his eye, he glances over at Loki. She puts down her book and moves slowly towards Tony. Tony is struck by just how dignified the Asgardian can look  _ scooting _ down a black leather couch. 

Loki doesn’t look at him as she approaches him. Tony doesn’t speak, knowing that Loki will when she is ready. He has learned, in the few weeks he’s gotten to know Loki, that he needs to be patient. It’s a quality he struggles with, but Loki is worth waiting for. 

At last, Loki meets his eyes briefly, green seeking out brown, and she smiles a little. Then she rests her head on his shoulder like it’s meant to be there, and Tony’s belly fills with warmth. Tony loves her sharp edges and quick wit, but this kind of softness is so rare in Loki that he treasures these moments, too. 

When Loki speaks, her voice is so quiet, Tony thinks he imagines it. But her jaw moves just slightly against his shoulder, so it must be real. “Thank you. For calling Thor this morning.”

Tony cannot speak for a moment, he’s so surprised by the words. Instead, he slowly wraps his arm around Loki’s shoulders and leans over to kiss the top of her head. 

“I didn’t know what else to do.” When he finally speaks, it’s not what he meant to say. He doesn’t know what he meant to say, but it wasn’t that. 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Loki whispers, sounding like the words are spoken involuntarily. A  _ thank you _ and  _ I’m sorry _ in one sitting is a rare thing, and Loki seems to realize this, because she adds, “If you ever tell anyone I apologized, I’ll kill you.”

Tony smiles. “Duly noted, babe.”

Loki leans closer, drapes an arm around Tony’s torso and a long, pajama-clad leg over Tony’s legs. She kisses his neck, and Tony loves her.

“Wake me up if I fall asleep,” Loki says.

“Okay.”

“I’m fucking serious.”

“I know. I know I’m supposed to say, ‘No, you need to sleep,’ but I get it. Neither of us are sleeping tonight. I’ll make coffee, you find a movie.” Tony tries to get up, but Loki tightens her grip on him.

“In a minute,” she murmurs into his neck. “I’m comfortable.”

Tony’s all right with that.


	2. I'm Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has a panic attack away from home.

It happens while Tony is on a test flight for a new update to his suit. He’s flying over a neighborhood in Manhattan. He pauses above a playground, spotting three boys playing a game. He is trying to figure out what they’re playing, but he’s too high up to hear what they’re saying. 

One of the boys shouts and throws a handful of mulch in front of him. The boy dives behind a low barrier separating the playground from the grass surrounding it. The other boys shout and dive for the mulch that rains down, touching it and not looking at the first boy, as though he has truly vanished. The game makes sense now.  _ Shit. _

The boy’s not gone; Tony can  _ see _ him huddled down on the ground, hiding. But…. Tony knows children play out what they have seen, to help them make sense of their experiences. Jarvis once caught Tony holding a glass of apple juice and shouting at his teddy bear the way Howard did when he drank too much. 

The boy that “disappeared” is reappearing now; the game must have reached the point when Thor brought everyone back. Tony’s heartbeat doesn’t slow down. 

He wobbles in the air as he starts to lose concentration and control. He has to check on Peter. He  _ has _ to, but he can’t  _ breathe. _ He staggers through the air, trying to find somewhere to land as the panic seeps through his veins like ice. He tumbles onto the roof of an apartment building, gasping for breath. He pushes himself onto his hands and knees, but has to pause because his body shakes so badly he cannot move. 

“Sir?” FRIDAY’s voice, muffled under the rush of blood in his ears, echoes through the helmet.

_ I’m fine _ , he tries to say, but cannot gain control of his voice to speak. He pushes himself shakily into a sitting position, leaning back against the low brick wall at the roof’s edge. He clenches and unclenches his hands, trying to remember the techniques his therapist taught him to deal with a panic attack, but there’s not enough oxygen in his brain. He’s losing this battle, he can feel it. He thinks FRIDAY is trying to speak again, but he can’t hear what the AI says. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, trembling and gasping, before a voice he doesn’t expect pushes through the terror blocking his hearing.

“Tony?” 

_ Oh thank God. _ He looks up to see the god standing to his right.  _ Where did he come from?  _ “Loki?” He reaches out a hand, but Loki shrinks back from it.

“I’m not here yet,” he says, and his body shimmers a moment, so that Tony can see that the man in front of him is only Loki’s hologram-like magic. And then the image solidifies once more. “I’m coming, but my illusion travels faster. Can you take off your mask? You’ll be able to breathe better if you’re not inhaling the same air every time.”

Tony shakily follows not-Loki’s direction, the face plate folding back into the rest of the suit. Not-Loki kneels down in front of him, filling his line of sight. “You’re all right. You’re going to be fine.” he says calmly. Tony nods jerkily, still flexing his fingers and panting. He aches to touch Loki. “Take a deep breath; I’ll count.”

Loki’s illusion guides Tony through the breathing exercise Tony taught him weeks ago. “Breathe in. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Hold it. One, two, three, four, five. Breathe out. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.”

“I’m here,” Loki’s voice comes again, this time to his left. “Look at me.” Tony turns his head obediently, and watches the real Loki approach him. When he glances back to where not-Loki stood, the illusion is gone. “It kind of dissipates,” Loki explains softly, kneeling beside Tony and reaching out a hand to touch Tony’s shoulder. “I didn’t think it would be good to watch right now. Inhale.”

The pattern continues. When Tony can control it, he programs the armor plates under Loki’s hand to retreat so he can feel Loki’s touch on his shoulder. Loki squeezes lightly, giving him a small, encouraging smile as he continues to walk Tony through the breathing exercise. At last, Tony can breathe calmly. When he has full control over his breathing, he leans his head forward to rest against Loki’s chest. He half expects Loki to resist the small show of affection, but after a moment, Loki just moves his hand from Tony’s shoulder to wrap his arm around Tony’s upper back, hand coming to rest against the other shoulder. 

Tony is quiet for a moment, still concentrating on his breathing and the feeling of Loki’s chest rising and falling beneath his forehead. Loki says nothing, waiting patiently until Tony is calm enough to speak himself. 

“How did you know?” Tony murmurs.

“I took a page out of your book,” Loki replies, just as softly. “I told FRIDAY to keep an eye on you.”

Tony, shocked, doesn’t speak. It has been weeks since FRIDAY last informed him of Loki’s insomnia-driven nights of sitting on the roof. Tony didn’t know Loki ever even spoke to FRIDAY.

“You worry about me.” Tony says in disbelief. He can’t help it; Loki never worries about anyone. 

Loki kisses him, and it’s confirmation enough for Tony. Against his lips, Loki murmurs, “Don’t push your luck.” And then the god kisses Tony again. Tony reaches out, the armor shrinking back into his tracksuit simultaneously, and he clutches at Loki’s chest like a drowning man. He feels desperate, and cannot hide it. One hand still clings to Loki’s shirt as the other roves upward to grasp at his cheek. Loki responds in kind, his free hand wrapping tightly, possessively, around Tony’s waist. The arm around his shoulders shifts, and in the next instant, he feels fingers threading through his hair, caressing and pulling at intervals. 

Tony groans into Loki’s mouth as Loki pulls at Tony’s bottom lip with perfect, white teeth. Loki releases Tony’s lip as he gasps, and then he presses into the kiss again, pushing his tongue into Tony’s mouth. Tony can do nothing but kiss back, wrapping his own tongue around Loki’s as it attempts to get into Loki’s mouth. His mind is blank, but for thoughts of  _ Yes. Loki. Yes.  _ When he pushes impossibly closer, his knee drops forward onto the brick roof, and it brushes briefly against Loki’s crotch. The feel of Loki hardening sends shocks of pleasure to his own cock.

But then his knee touches the roof and he hears a distant siren, reminding him that they are  _ on a roof _ , in the middle of  _ Manhattan _ , and it’s not even  _ their _ roof.  _ Shit _ . Tony pulls away reluctantly, pushing Loki back gently as the god tries to follow his mouth. 

“Loki,” Tony says. Loki groans in protest, eyes still closed, still leaning forward. Tony smiles fondly and wonders again, as he always does, how he can be so lucky to have Loki as his own. “Loki,” he says again, and Loki slowly opens his eyes.

“What?” Loki asks, frowning, and  _ fuck _ , Tony thinks he’s adorable. 

“We can’t do this on a roof that isn’t even  _ ours _ .” Tony says.

“Why?” Loki asks, and he looks genuinely confused. 

“Because there’s this thing called ‘public indecency,’ and if we get caught up here it’s going to be downright scandalous. We aren’t exactly normal citizens.”

Loki groans. “Fine, but you’re flying me back and we are going  _ fast _ .”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Tony stands, reaching out a hand to help Loki to his feet. He tugs on the strings attached to his tracksuit, and the Iron Man suit unfolds into place on his body again. Loki drapes an arm around Tony’s shoulders again, and Tony takes off in the direction of Avengers Tower. As he soars over the boys, now running around on the jungle gym, he remembers that he wanted to see Peter, before the panic took over. 

“FRIDAY, can you check on the kid?” He asks, not meeting Loki’s eyes when the god turns his head to glance at him. 

“Peter Parker is in the suit, sir. He appears to be doing tricks for his friend. Ned, I believe?” FRIDAY responds. Behind the mask, Tony finds himself smiling fondly. He can almost see Pete swooping back and forth in an alleyway, soaring over his best friend on his webs, both kids whooping and laughing. Knowing the kid is okay allows Tony to breathe easier as he flies back home, Loki in his arms. Everything is okay for the moment.


	3. Drain the Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tony fumbles at the seams of Loki’s leather shirt, gives up and tries the pants before growling again, this time in frustration. “Why are your clothes so complicated?” he demands, like he does every time. Loki snickers against Tony’s bare chest as he unzips Tony’s pants. Tony blinks, and Loki’s clothes have vanished when he opens his eyes. Tony smiles.  
>  “That’s better,” he murmurs, wrapping his arms around Loki’s waist and pulling him backwards."
> 
> Or, Tony and Loki arrive home after the rooftop panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place almost immediately after the events of the previous chapter.
> 
> The title is a lyric from "The Last of the Real Ones," by Fall Out Boy.

They land on the roof, Tony shedding his armor almost before his feet hit the ground. Loki grapples at his face mask as it folds away, and then the god’s lips are on Tony’s. Loki grasps his face as Tony kisses back desperately. 

“Loki,” he whispers when they break apart for air, but Loki is kissing him again before he can continue. 

“Loki,” he gasps again, more forcefully this time. Loki hums in response, his fingers clutching Tony’s hair, and Tony’s mind goes blank for a moment. He growls low in his throat, and Loki tugs at his hair again.

“Bedroom. Now. C’mon,” Tony says jerkily when he has words. Loki nods, and begins tugging Tony towards the door. They stagger through Tony’s apartment, not letting go of one another the entire time. At last, they reach Tony’s-- their-- room. Loki pushes Tony back until his calves hit the bed, and then the god is tearing at Tony’s clothes, peeling off the skin-tight tracksuit and pressing his lips in the crook of Tony’s neck when the shirt is pulled over his head. 

Tony fumbles at the seams of Loki’s leather shirt, gives up and tries the pants before growling again, this time in frustration. “Why are your clothes so complicated?” he demands, like he does every time. Loki snickers against Tony’s bare chest as he unzips Tony’s pants. Tony blinks, and Loki’s clothes have vanished when he opens his eyes. Tony smiles.

“That’s better,” he murmurs, wrapping his arms around Loki’s waist and pulling him backwards. They tumble onto the mattress, Loki yelping at the unexpected change in position. Tony laughs at the scowl on Loki’s face as they move up the bed. Then Loki crawls down until he’s kneeling between Tony’s legs. Tony’s laugh is cut short as Loki leans down and takes him into his mouth. Tony moans, reaching down to bury his hands in Loki’s hair. He feels his cock hardening again as Loki’s tongue swirls expertly around the tip. 

Loki looks up at him and Tony meets his gaze. He loves him so damn much; loves the way Loki looks with his mouth full of cock, eyes dark and sultry; loves the feel of Loki’s hair between his fingers.

“I love you.” Tony says without thinking. His eyes widen, and Loki watches him for a long moment, unmoving. Tony’s mind back pedals, trying to think of some way to recover from his lack of a filter. But he has a mouth around his cock and a god between his legs, and he can’t think of anything else. Instead, he just shrugs and says quietly, “I do.”

Loki sighs around Tony’s cock and then lets it go. “Norns, come here,” he says before climbing back up Tony’s body and kissing him hard on the lips. When he pulls away, he smiles the most beautiful smile Tony has ever seen, looking like the cat that got the cream. “Now where’d that lube get to?” And  _ oh shit, _ Tony has somehow gotten even harder. He can’t speak, just gestures to the bedside table. Loki grins wider and dives for the tube on the table. 

“You or me?” Tony gasps when he can speak. Loki smirks down at him, squirting lube into his palm. He’s kneeling again between Tony’s legs.

“I put your cock in my mouth and you told me you love me. I want to see what else you’ll do like this,” he says. He rubs the lube between his hands and sits back on his feet. He makes a little circle motion with his index finger, and Tony obediently rolls over. Loki drapes himself carefully over Tony and presses a finger in deep. Tony moans with pleasure and Loki leans closer to nip at his shoulder. Tony can feel Loki’s length pressing against the small of his back, as hard as he is. Tony grasps his own straining cock, trying to relieve some of the pressure. 

“ ‘Ki, hurry up,” Tony pants, calling the god by the diminutive he only uses when they are like this. He strokes his thumb down the length of his cock. Loki runs his tongue across the side of Tony’s neck as he bends his finger inside him. Tony trembles at the sensation, shockwaves shooting down his cock and pricking his belly. 

“The best things take time, my dear,” Loki purrs into his neck, and  _ holy shit _ , if that isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever said. And then Loki withdraws his finger for a moment before pressing in again with two fingers, agonizingly slowly.

“Loki,  _ fuck _ ,” Tony gasps, arching into the touch. “Loki.”

Loki scissors his fingers inside of Tony’s ass, and Tony whimpers, clutching at his cock like a lifeline. Loki’s other hand comes around and gently pries Tony’s fingers away. “Wait until I’m inside you,” he whispers against his ear. Tony feels the god’s lips brush against his skin and shivers. Loki nips his earlobe and Tony moans. 

It feels like an eternity before Loki finally withdraws his fingers. “Now,” Tony whispers. “Now, please. Loki.  _ Please _ .” Loki trails slow, lingering fingers down Tony’s bare back. How can he be so calm when Tony is on fire, when Tony can feel Loki’s own erect cock pressing against his skin? Tony feels movement behind him, and supposes Loki is rubbing lube onto his cock, and Tony wishes he would just hurry up. His fingers are itching to touch himself, but he grips the sheets underneath him instead. 

And then finally, finally he feels it: the tip of Loki’s cock pressing gently against his ass. Tony spreads his legs wider as Loki guides himself in. Both men gasp as Loki finally enters Tony. Loki thrusts himself in as Tony cries out and tightens his grip on the sheets. Loki pulls back until he’s almost out of Tony before driving home again, a gasp leaving his lips. Tony’s eyes are screwed shut, but he feels Loki’s hand clumsily come to rest over his own. It’s shaking, and the hand and the panting in his ear are the only clues that Loki is as affected by this as Tony is. Loki gently tugs Tony’s hand off the mattress and guides it down to Tony’s cock as he rocks his hips, thrusting forward and back. 

“You can touch now,” Loki pants. Tony gasps when his and Loki’s hands touch his cock. Tony immediately begins stroking, matching the rhythm of Loki’s thrusts behind him. Loki’s other hand clutches his hip so tightly his nails are digging into Tony’s skin, but Tony can’t find it in him to care. He’s so close, and Loki’s gasps tell him the god is close, too. 

“Loki,” Tony moans, and Loki leans down to kiss his neck on a down thrust. 

“Tony.”

“I love you,” Tony whispers again, and then Loki cries out. Tony feels the hot liquid of his seed filling him as Loki comes.  _ That’s interesting _ . Tony makes a mental note to remember that apparently sentiment turns Loki on. And then Loki’s wrist twists around his cock in such a way that all thought flees from Tony’s mind, wiped blank as Tony gasps and comes across the sheets and both their hands. 

Loki slides out of Tony and collapses against his back with a sigh of pleasure. He lazily kisses Tony from his ear to the tip of his shoulder, one arm around Tony’s waist and the other hand in his hair. Tony lays on his belly in silence, feeling his heartbeat slowly return to normal, breathing heavily against his pillow. He allows his mind to wander, listening to Loki’s breathing slow down. He reaches a hand back to weave through Loki’s hair, and Loki presses gently against his hand, lips still touching Tony’s skin. 

“Thank you for coming to find me,” Tony murmurs, thinking back to the events earlier in the day. 

Loki hums thoughtfully. “You have never left  _ me _ alone.” He says casually. It’s not much of a reply, but Tony hears what Loki means.  _ I will always find you. _ And Tony loves him for it. 


	4. I've Got You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter comes to visit the Avengers. FRIDAY adds one more person to their watchlist. Also featuring special guest star, Clint Barton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a brief reference to Without Words, but only in how Loki tells Tony their gender for the day. For those of you who haven't read that fic, two blinks=nonbinary day.

“Sir.” FRIDAY's voice pierces the silence of the bedroom. Tony awakens to Loki curled close against him.

“What is it?” Tony asks, yawning and carefully extracting himself from the sleeping deity.

“Peter Parker appears to be having a nightmare, sir.” FRIDAY continues.

Loki stirs slightly and opens tired and unfocused eyes. They smile sleepily up at Tony.

“Go take care of him,” they murmur. Tony leans down to kiss them briefly before they roll over and go back to sleep. Tony leaves the room quickly.

He walks down the dim and silent hallway to Peter's room at the compound. Peter is staying the weekend, and Tony knows Peter has not been the same since he came back to life. Part of it is intuition; Tony knows space and Thanos and almost dying has fucked _him_ up. Part of it was May's clear reluctance to let Peter leave their apartment for a couple days. Tony knows Peter is traumatized, and made sure to tell FRIDAY the moment Pete went to bed to keep an eye on the kid.

Tony presses his ear against the grain of the closed door for a moment, listening carefully. At first he hears nothing; the door is thick. And then he notices the heavy breathing, catches the sound of Peter's distressed, gasping voice. The boy is not shouting, and outside of the room Tony can't hear what he's saying.

“FRIDAY?” he asks aloud, throat closing before he can finish the question. There's a clenching pain in his chest, the kind he's now familiar with. He felt it when Pete was hanging off an alien space ship miles above the Earth; he felt it when the kid grabbed at him on Titan, gasping that he didn't want to go and – _fuck_ \-- apologizing to Tony before disintegrating into nothing; and he felt it when Peter fell into his arms again a few months ago, after the Avengers had defeated Thanos and everyone snapped out of existence came back to life. In his more sentimental moments, he thinks this might be what it feels like to see your child in pain.

He can't finish the question, but the AI seems to know what he's trying to ask. “The boy is still asleep, sir.” Tony nods silently, and reaches out for the doorknob. Part of him expects it to be locked; a seventeen-year-old boy with PTSD and nightmares would likely do everything in his control to keep himself safe. When Tony wakes up in the middle of the night in a sweat, feeling phantom dust and ashes on his wet palms, his first reaction is often to ask FRIDAY to check on the kid's vitals. He discovered pretty early on that Peter slept in his suit. On the one hand, this makes it infinitely easier for Tony to check the boy's breathing and heart rate; on the other hand, it breaks Tony's heart to know that Peter doesn't even feel safe in his own bedroom.

But Tony turns the knob, and the door opens. His chest clenches again; he wonders if Peter forgot to lock the door or if he feels safer at the compound than at home. And then every other thought vanishes from his mind when the light from the hall falls across the sleeping teenager. Peter is tossing and turning, the blankets tangled around his legs. His babbling is louder now that the door is open, but Tony still can't make out words. The boy is mumbling nonsensically, but Tony recognizes the tone is terrified.

Tony knows how to help people having nightmares. Loki wakes him up at least twice a week, and he has experienced Loki's way of waking him up. Rhodey has fallen asleep beside him on the couch more than once, and awoken with a jerk, eyes wide and darting. Peter should be no different. But Tony is frozen in the doorway, chest tightening, his hand gripping the doorknob. He can calmly awaken and soothe his partner after a nightmare, he can talk his best friend out of a post-nightmare panic attack. Why can't he even move closer to his kid?

Because it's his _kid._ Because it's his fault that the boy is in the middle of this terrible situation, reliving the worst moment of his life ( _both_ of their lives, if Tony's being honest with himself). Peter won't let him apologize, won't let him take the blame, but Tony knows _he_ recruited the boy, _he_ let him stay in the battle in New York, _he_ made him new suits, _he_ let him help fight Thanos. _He_ let Peter get himself killed. Loki made the choice to fight, to come back, to try to do better. Rhodey made the choice to stay in this line of work. Peter is just a _boy_. He's _Tony's_ boy. Yes, May raised him and cares for him, and Tony would never presume himself to be better than her. But he loves Peter like crazy, though it's still hard for him to admit it out loud.

He stands just outside the room, his feet frozen to the floor, until Peter lets out the most pained whimper Tony's ever heard, and then the boy wakes up with a gasp. And then Tony moves. Peter's staring around the room, eyes squinting in the sudden light, and still panting.

“Hey,” Tony whispers, moving slowly toward the bed so he won't scare Peter more. But Peter locks eyes with him and at last breathes in deeply. Tony sees the boy's shoulders relax when Peter focuses on him. Tony reaches out carefully when he gets close enough, and Peter whimpers a little. For the first time since coming into the room, Tony sees the tears glistening on Peter's face, and he swallows the lump in his throat. Again, Tony wonders at how badly Peter's pain and fear affects him. He is calm when Loki has even severe panic attacks, his voice is steady when others freak out. But not with Peter.

“I'm here. I've got you.” Tony says, and he hates how his voice shakes though he tries to keep it calm. He sits on the edge of the bed and draws the shaking teenager into his arms. Peter clings to him, like on Titan when he died, like in Wakanda when he came back. He rubs circles over Peter's back as the boy hides his face in Tony's neck. “It's okay.” Tony whispers.

“How do you know?” Peter's voice is so soft, Tony almost doesn't hear him. Tony closes his eyes and swallows again.

“Because you're alive. Because everyone is alive. Because it is peacetime. Because you're safe.” Tony pauses; he knows what he wants to say, but he has to take a moment to build himself up. He doesn't like admitting weakness, likes even less to admit when he cares about people. Peter's arms tighten around him, and he knows his kid won't laugh. “Because you're down the hall from me, so I don't have to be up half the night worried about you.”

Peter is silent for a moment. Tony hears his breathing start to calm down, but he's still weeping. “You should talk to May.” he says quietly, his voice muffled against Tony's shoulder. “She says she loses sleep over me, too.” The lightness of his tone and the little breath of laughter are dulled somewhat by the shakiness of his voice.

Tony isn't sure what to say to that, but Peter doesn't seem to require a response. Tony continues to hug the boy and murmur reassurances as Peter's tears slow. Tony stays with his boy until Peter finally falls back asleep.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“How did he even know I was having a nightmare?” Peter asks to the room at large. It's the next morning. Tony hasn't come out of his bedroom yet, but Peter supposes he more than deserves to sleep in a little bit. He remembers having nightmares as a small child, nothing like the ones he has now, but Shere Khan could be damn terrifying to a six-year-old. He recalls waking up in Ben's arms, his uncle murmuring in his ear that everything was all right, that it was just a dream, that he was safe.

Peter sits at the counter with a bowl of Cheerios untouched in front of him. Loki stands across from him in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee to brew. Clint Barton is sprawled on one of the couches in the living room. Why he's in Tony's part of the compound, Peter doesn't know, but he's not about to send the archer away. It's fucking _Hawkeye_ , twenty feet away from Peter and not trying to kill him this time (not that Hawkeye trying to kill him wasn't totally awesome in its own right).

Peter doesn't know Loki very well, but he knows the deity has become very important to Tony, and has heard snippets of what happened between the Battle of New York in 2012 and now from Thor and Tony. He's decided that if Tony trusts Loki, then he does, too. Loki is always polite to him, at least, though he hasn't had much of a chance to talk to them. But when Peter stumbled out of his bedroom ten minutes or so ago, Loki asked him if he was okay. He supposes Tony told Loki about last night after he fell back asleep. Then again, Loki may have woken up when Tony got up to check on him, somehow knowing Peter needed him.

“FRIDAY is everyone's nanny,” Loki replies, flashing a sardonic smile though their tone is almost fond.

“Big Brother is watching you!” Clint teases. Peter grimaces and Loki rolls their eyes.

“Not exactly the same,” Loki mutters.

“Everyone's nanny?” Peter asks Loki.

Loki doesn't answer for a moment. They pour themselves a mug of coffee and silently offer some to Peter, who turns it down. Loki stirs several spoonfuls of sugar into their coffee and takes a long sip.

“Tony ordered the AI to keep tabs on me a few months ago,” Loki explains at last.

“I asked it to stop,” Tony says defensively, finally walking into the room and flashing a winning smile. Loki rolls their eyes again; they refuse to admit what that smile does to them. “And anyway,” Tony continues, running a hand through his already sleep-rumpled hair. “I'm not the only one telling FRIDAY to watch people.” He looks pointedly at Loki. Peter follows his gaze. Peter sees Loki deliberately blink twice at Tony before they turn to Peter and speak.

“And I _might_ be using the AI to make sure Tony doesn't... need... me.”

Peter cringes and Loki starts to laugh. Tony flushes red when he realizes the reason for Peter's reaction. “Not like that!” he says quickly. Loki laughs harder and Clint starts laughing, too.

“Then like how?” Peter asks, torn between amusement and disgust.

“Same reason FRIDAY's watching you,” Loki explains when they stop laughing, glancing briefly at Clint almost self-consciously. “Nightmares, panic attacks, the like.”

Peter's mouth gapes and he looks up at Tony. Tony avoids his eyes, shifting his feet and looking almost embarrassed. “I didn't want you to be alone,” he admits quietly. Peter stares a little longer before he breaks into a grin, his whole face aglow. He gets up and walks over to Tony, throwing his arms around him. Tony stands still in surprise for a moment before hugging the boy back.

Tony looks over Peter's head to make eye contact with Loki, still sipping coffee. “He's taking it better than you did,” he says to them.

Loki scowls. “That's because you where using the AI to stalk me, idiot.”

“Track your insomnia.” Tony counters.

“Make sure I wasn't plotting to betray you all.” Loki corrects.

“Agree to disagree.”

“No, it's the truth versus a lie.”

Tony sticks his tongue out at Loki. To everyone's surprise but Tony's, Loki sticks their tongue out back.

“Are you two going to continue being gross or can I stay?” Clint interrupts.

“Why are you here?” Tony asks, looking over at him as Peter finally pulls away.

“He wants to play a video game,” Loki explains.

“With you?” Tony asks.

“Yes. I told him I'm doing nothing until I've had coffee.”

“You play video games?” Peter asks.

“Sometimes,” Loki says mysteriously, draining their coffee in one long gulp.

“You only know how to play Mario Kart,” Tony argues.

“You play Mario Kart?!” Peter says.

“That's what we're playing,” Loki says. They turn to Peter. “And yes. I have been on Midgard for three months. What else am I going to do?”

“Well...” Peter says, glancing between Tony and Loki.

“Okay, that's enough out of you,” Tony says, pulling Peter into a headlock.

 


End file.
